This week has been both so very lovely and so very worrisome.
On one hand the time T. and I spend together in a gentle and loving way that we do, playful banter, evening bike rides and laughter makes me so happy. On the other hand, there is a bit of a dark cloud that just does not seem to be going away, until it does, all on its very own schedule and terms.
My mind has been occupied with other things, my thoughts thousands miles away. My dad is not doing well, he is nearing 80 and while I want to believe he is in an ‘overall good shape’, his body is fragile and starting to decline. He has had a few check-ups lately and seems like not everything looks right.
I have an elderly, unwell parent and I am worried.
I feel helpless when all I can do is give my dad a call to ‘check on him’, even if I do just that, a few times a day, I am still an ocean away. So T. and I started discussing a possibility of me having to go back to Poland for a few weeks or months, if need be, to help care for my dad. Everything is on the table now.
It is in my blood and in my upbringing to know that just like a parent takes care of their helpless newborn, an adult child takes care of their helpless elderly mom and dad. Even if this means some serious sacrifices along the way. Like potentially quitting a job and leaving NYC, going back to Poland for a bit, live off savings and care for my dad.
I am on a standby until we know the course of action and what needs to happen. I am finding a quiet place and praying on it.