I guess no one can answer this one for me but myself.
What if I am not ready, what if WE are not ready?
What if something goes wrong?
Do we have enough in savings?
Do we need to move or can we stay in our tiny New York apartment?
The list of questions can simply just go on and on. It has been on my mind for a while and it surely only intensifies over time.
When does one know she is ready to have a child?
On one hand having a baby has been my biggest dream since as long as I can remember. I always imagined that by now, by the time I am 36, I will have had two or three children, enjoying peaceful family time somewhere in the suburbs. And while for now it has been a conscious decision not to ‘start trying’, it pains me that I am childless, it pains me when I hear questions and comments, even though I know that no one means to be hurtful.
On the other hand, as much as I want it to happen, I am scared. I am scared that we will not manage. My family is far away and T. is the only child. I always imagined that I would raise my family around my sister’s family, around her children, around cousins and aunts. The reality is we have no family around, no one for ’emergency’ babysitting or emotional support if things were to go wrong.
It scares me that I would not manage to be a parent and still hold my job. It scares me that we would not manage being a one income family if I became a stay at home mom. And if I stayed at my work – would it be fair to a baby to put her into daycare at 3 months old?
I feel like the longer I wait the more difficult the decision to just ‘go for it’ is. I feel I am overthinking everything. Is it just me?
When do you know THIS is the right time?