Is This The Right Time?

I guess no one can answer this one for me but myself.

What if I am not ready, what if WE are not ready?

What if something goes wrong?

Do we have enough in savings?

Do we need to move or can we stay in our tiny New York apartment?

The list of questions can simply just go on and on. It has been on my mind for a while and it surely only intensifies over time.

When does one know she is ready to have a child?

Is This The Right Time

On one hand having a baby has been my biggest dream since as long as I can remember. I always imagined that by now, by the time I am 36, I will have had two or three children, enjoying peaceful family time somewhere in the suburbs. And while for now it has been a conscious decision not to ‘start trying’, it pains me that I am childless, it pains me when I hear questions and comments, even though I know that no one means to be hurtful.

On the other hand, as much as I want it to happen, I am scared. I am scared that we will not manage. My family is far away and T. is the only child. I always imagined that I would raise my family around my sister’s family, around her children, around cousins and aunts. The reality is we have no family around, no one for ’emergency’ babysitting or emotional support if things were to go wrong.

It scares me that I would not manage to be a parent and still hold my job. It scares me that we would not manage being a one income family if I became a stay at home mom. And if I stayed at my work – would it be fair to a baby to put her into daycare at 3 months old?

I feel like the longer I wait the more difficult the decision to just ‘go for it’ is. I feel I am overthinking everything. Is it just me?

When do you know THIS is the right time?

 

6 comments

  1. Elise @ Simply Scaled Down says:

    My first was a total surprise so we didn’t get a say in the matter with her. But my second was planned out. No, our finances weren’t in order and we were still figuring life out, but to be honest, I’m not sure if there is ever a perfect time. Sometimes you just have to jump in and hope for the best 🙂 Babies don’t need much. Just food, clothes, a bed at night and some love.

  2. TerriC says:

    There is never a perfect time for having a child. I was blessed to have my three in a rather staggered fashion (and then gained another by proxy when my youngest was just months old). I think the time to have a child is when NOT having one is more painful than any of the supposed struggles that you fear. I was a single mom when I got pregnant with my third child and had no support system in place but it all worked out fine, with money, with relationship that came along shortly after her birth.

    • SimpleIsGood4U says:

      Thank you Terri. I really need some wisdom of someone who went through / is going through motherhood and has positive, upbeat stories to share. Even though it may have been scary at first due to whatever reasons (mostly financial / job security etc)
      I appreciate your comment. xo

  3. Peggy Ann in CT says:

    I spent my 30’s in an on again/off again relationship with someone who I loved but did not want marriage or children. When it was finally off again I was open to meeting someone new who I married within a year. We had a little girl one year after that. I was 40 years old at the time so our “right time” was now or never. Even being a “mature” woman, I had doubts about if we were ready and my ability to take care of an infant. But you learn and grow with your child. Take in advice and then do what your heart and gut tells you to do. We were able to find a loving woman who ran a daycare in her home and I went back to work after 8 weeks. I would race home to get her after work, my arms aching to hold her. But she was well cared for and I was a better person for working outside the home. Four years later we were blessed with another little girl. Being an older mom I have a little more perspective on some things and a little less tolerance for nonsense. I now work part time. I work at being frugal. My girls are beautiful, happy, healthy and know that they are deeply loved. If you and T. love each other and both want a child “someday”, take the next step and have some faith in God and each other that your family will grow and thrive. Wishing you every blessing.

    • SimpleIsGood4U says:

      Dear Peggy Ann, thank you so much for this beautiful and ‘straight from the heart’ comment. I appreciate you taking the time.

      I feel more and more that ‘someday’ is today, what I trust I need to do is find more peace within me and have more faith that things do work out. Just like they are working our for you, just like they are working out for my sister (she has 3 little girls) and for other women as well. I am taking in all the advice with an open heart.

      Also, congratulations on your two blessings. xo

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