I think most everyone has been in a situation when life seemed rough, unfair, stressful. Possibly going through a breakup or a divorce, juggling multiple stressful projects at work or going through really tough times financially. I know I have, and whenever I did, I remember putting all my energy into whatever seemed to be going wrong for me at that time. As if everything else around me ceased to exist. All the problems, whatever they were, seemed to be THE biggest problems that the world had ever had to deal with.
But then, while dealing with a painful breakup that was consuming my entire life, the news of my mom’s passing came. While dealing with back to back stressful work projects I got my MRI results and they were not what I hoped for. While going through a period of time of general confusion about life, the possibility of having to have another surgery arose.
Wait a minute.
The break up is history, work is just work, the confusion about what I shall or shall not be doing is what I created in my mind myself. Suddenly all the problems became very small, meaningless. I just wanted the blood results to come back all fine, I just wanted that ultrasound or MRI show nothing more than the last time. I just wanted me and my family healthy. If only the good news came, I would not worry about anything else. I would be a better person, I would be kinder to strangers and more loving to friends. I would really focus on what matters and I would not sweat the ‘small stuff’.
The last week was very challenging for me, it was stressful. After my ‘once every 6 months’ check up with my OBGYN, he referred me to have an ultrasound, blood tests and possibly an MRI (depending on the results of the ultrasound). You see, I have something called ‘endometriosis’ and I already had a surgery for it almost 4 years ago when a big cyst (7×8 centimeters) was removed from my ovary. Everything seemed fine for a while but just last week, during the check up, my doctor informed me that something did not feel right and I should schedule a follow up ultrasound rather urgently.
My heart racing hundred miles an hour.
Everything in that moment started to feel meaningless, all the little life dramas suddenly disappeared. Dear God, please just let me be ok, let the tests results be ok. If only I am ok, I am going to appreciate life so much more than I am right now.
On pins and needles. Waiting.
And then the phone call comes. I am at work then so I rush to an empty conference room for privacy. I am making sure I am sitting down. Is it bad? Surgery again? What are the next steps?
False alert. Everything seems fine.
I can breathe again. I got my wish. 100%. All the fear, uncertainty, all the waiting. Now, I can get back to what I was doing.
But then I started thinking, what would it be like if I did not get the good news? What if the next few months were filled with medical appointments, fear, surgery, recovery time, missed time at work, medical bills. Will I even remember a week from now what a blessing I was granted? Will I remember not to ‘sweat the small stuff’? Will I keep in mind that all the current ‘problems’ I have truly are meaningless? Just like I thought they were when I feared being sick.
I wonder why getting bad news changes someone’s life while getting good news does not necessarily have the same effect?